Abogados

Llega un hombre al infierno y comienza a entrevistarse con Lucifer.
Después de una larga sesión él le indica que su castigo es pasar la
eternidad con una gorda bien fea. El hombre indignado acepta y cuando
lo llevan con la gorda se cruza con su abogado, quien está con una
hermosa mujer. El hombre le pregunta al diablo: - ¿Por que mi abogado
a pesar de haberme robado a mi y a varias personas ahora está con una
mujer tan buena y bella? El diablo le contesta: Tu calla y deja de
juzgar a esa pobre mujer.

How To Call The Police

George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Are any of those people in your house?" and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should
simply stay in his house, lock his doors and an officer would be along when available.
George said,! "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned The police again. "Hello I just called you a few seconds ago Because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all". Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said That you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story)

Hijo gay al padre

Tras mucha reflexión, el hijo le dice al padre:
"Papa, he decidido revelarte el secreto de mi vida: soy gay..."
vamos a ver -responde serenamente el padre
- ¿eres alumno de la Ibero, la Anahuac o el TEC de monterrey?"
- "no papa -dice el muchacho-. tu sabes bien que estudio en una escuela publica"
"¿Vives en un departamento de lujo o tienes un penthouse?"
- "no vivo con ustedes, en esta vivienda de interés social."
"¿manejas un Lincoln, un Mercedes o un BMW?"
"Tampoco. Ando en el metro o en autobús.
"Entonces no eres gay.....¡eres un puto común y corriente!